By Kimmie Smith

As soon as freshman year began in high school, I was in awe of the seniors that had one year left. They were about to go to places all over the country, everything for them was their last time and one day I would be like them. As I went through school I became chairperson for National Honor Society, obtained Indiana High Honors for excellence, won second place nationally for DECA, attended the Inauguration of Bill Clinton's second year, performed in plays, cheerleading, hung out with friends etc. At my graduation as I looked around at my 900+ classmates I felt that Indiana University would simply be another step that I would conquer. Of course I would do well in school and graduate as a business major, have tons of friends and I would be on my own! I had worked the past four years to prove this point. 

My college boasted 40,000+ students and many of them came from my high school - I felt that since my hometown was only an hour or so away, I would have no need to be homesick. I had taken accelerated courses and as my acceptance letter said, "Based on your application, you are more than qualified to meet the challenges that are ahead at Indiana University". I memorized those words on the porch of my house the September of my Senior year - happy that the school of my choice had chosen me. That summer, I worked to put my dorm items together and checked my list to make sure I was prepared. Everyone talked about going away and promised they would write and spend our vacations together. During our summer orientation, as I learned more about what was ahead of me - I felt secure that I was ready to get started. On the drive down the car smelled of new bedding, stationary and more. I listened to the radio and chatted with my mother.

As we moved items into my dorm, I was surprised at how stark it looked and small but pushed this aside as we slowly turned a room into my new home. Throughout the hall of my dorm parents buzzed in and out as we nervously looked at one another and last minute runs to local stores were made. As I hugged my mother and closed the door, I felt weak. This was it! If I needed something I would have to get it. All the friends that I knew lived in other dorms or went elsewhere - which meant that I would need to make more friends that were on my floor, classes, etc. As I began to go to classes, I realized that no one told me when to get up, study, eat - all the basics that my mother had spent doing.

The first year is something that will never happen again throughout your four years. Each day will be new. From the first party to the first blue book exam. In the midst of the frustrations you will bond to new people that become your family. You will enjoy late night runs for pizza to get you through all nighters. In addition, office hours with professors, study groups with friends and the little things that make your new community special will be how you survive. You learn how to be self-reliant while also being strong enough to say you need help or you just need someone to listen. To this day, I smile when I cross a campus in New York City and see the "finals look" - students in sweat pants and a sweatshirt hurrying to class while trying to crunch the last bits of notes with their friend right before the final. 

The empty or apprehensive feelings you felt when you realized that you really are on your own will soon fade with realizing you made your choices. You'll find that it's ok to change. Maybe you'll find that you have new interests in friends, majors and who you want to be when you're done with the journey. I changed majors throughout my college career whether it was a new interest or realizing that I would not be able to make the commitment to handle the course load asked of me. In the end, I realized that each time I went home, I was happy for the homemade meals, visiting old places; however, I was ready to go back to the new structure that I had created - thus it was home.  

As I moved out of my dorm at the end of year, I felt empty thinking about a summer without the friends, Tues night specials in the cafeteria, dorm meetings with the coolest RA, late night movies, Final Four games, lectures where you're truly able to talk about the importance of sociological concepts within today's society and more - these were my routines. From time to time I stumbled; a lack of focus over time could mean lower grades and falling behind, a fear of asking questions could do the same and not reaching out meant that your world could truly be lonely. But navigating this and knowing I would be back let me know that I had enough skill to come back and be a stronger Sophomore.

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